A Dangerous Game
by Michelle Clover
Summary: In the Circle, falling in love was probably the worst thing a mage could do, and it wasn't any better in the Grey Wardens...Especially if the person you have fallen for is the newly crowned Queen of Ferelden. M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

Anders couldn't help but grin. "Well, I suppose if we really have to traipse all up and down the countryside, at least we have a nice view," he thought out loud.

It had only been two days since the blonde mage had survived the Joining and become a full-fledged Grey Warden. The very next morning, at the crack of dawn, the Commander woke them all up to head into Amaranthine to speak to a couple of hunters who had found an entrance to a darkspawn-filled tunnel. At that particular moment, Anders had busied himself by watching the Commander's hips sway back and forth as she trekked along several feet ahead, her long flaxen braid swaying in perfect rhythm like the pendulum of a well-made clock.

Nathaniel Howe, who had taken his Joining shortly after Anders, arched a brow. "I hope you realize that you are ogling the Queen of Ferelden, mage."

"Really?" Anders asked with some confusion. "But why in the Maker's name is the Queen of Ferelden commanding a Grey Warden post?"

"Have you been living under a rock for the past three months?" Nathaniel inquired with bewilderment. "I was in the Free Marches during the whole ordeal and even I know who she is. Were you even aware there was a Blight and a civil war?"

"Of course I knew about all that. I'm not an idiot, you know. I heard all of the stories about the Hero of Ferelden slaying the archdemon and the bastard king taking the throne. I just didn't realize that our lovely Commander was the same person."

"Didn't ya notice when the king kissed her on the cheek before he left?"

The tall blonde man shrugged. "I just thought it was some sort of tradition thing. You know…like the Orlesians do."

"Sodding nug runners, boy. He called her his bride."

Anders scowled. "Well excuse me for not paying attention to other people's conversations. I was a little preoccupied by the templar who was staring daggers at me at the time."

"Just watch yerself there, sparkle fingers" the dwarf advised. "The Commander and the king are both friends of mine. I'd hate to have to take yer head off before ya get a chance to prove yerself useful."

"I'll keep that under advisement, my short smelly friend."

After that, Anders found it completely impossible to keep his eyes off the Commander. It was almost like when someone tells you not to look down and it becomes the only thing you want to do. He didn't see the harm in looking, anyway, as long as he kept both his hands and his thoughts to himself.

When the Commander was finished speaking to the two hunters, the four of them headed into the city. They browsed the merchant stalls and even visited the tavern where the Commander bought them all an ale. It was strange for Anders, being able to be seen in public without fear of being caught by templars. It was a freedom he had never known before and he was thoroughly enjoying it, even though his fellow Wardens weren't exactly the best of company.


	2. Chapter 2

A week and a trip through the Deep Roads later, the reality of Anders' life began to set in. Although he was no longer locked in the Tower of Magi, he still didn't have the freedom he so desperately craved. Being a Grey Warden was just another type of life sentence. He no longer had to fear the templars, but his life was still not his own. As he sat away from everyone else at the long table in the dining hall contemplating everything, the Commander took a seat next to him.

"Is everything alright, Anders?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I suppose."

"Reality finally sank in, didn't it?" The mage stared at her with sad confusion for a long moment. She smiled sympathetically. "I may not understand everything you're feeling because I didn't grow up locked away in a tower, but I do know that sinking sensation you get when you finally realize what being a Grey Warden means."

"It means that my life will never be my own."

She shook her head. "No, it won't. For the time you have left, you are called to serve. I mean, just look at me for example. I should be back at court enjoying life as a queen, but instead I am here for Maker knows how long. It's a heavy price to pay."

Anders sighed. "All I ever really wanted was a pretty girl, a decent meal and the right to shoot lightening at fools."

The Commander chuckled. "Well, at least you have the pretty girl to look at and decent enough food most days. Two out of three isn't bad, right?"

Anders gave an easy laugh. "Maybe I'm closer to the dream than I imagined then."

His smile faded as he gazed into her bright blue eyes. His heart raced and his breath caught in his lungs. The mage had known a lot of women in his time, but she was the most stunning creature he had ever laid eyes upon. And it wasn't only her outward appearance that he found attractive. Even though he hadn't known her for very long, he knew that she had a beautiful heart. Her kindness and understanding, her sense of fairness and empathy, were unlike any he had ever known.

"May I ask you a personal question? If I might be so bold?"

"You can ask me anything you like" she replied. "Although, if it's too personal, that doesn't necessarily mean I will answer it."

"What would you do if you didn't have to be a Warden?"

"I'd return to Denerim, I suppose."

"Does nobody ever leave the Wardens?"

"Alistair left, although I suppose he's an exception to the rule. Why…are you planning on leaving?"

"No…I've just never liked the idea of being trapped somewhere.

"So, are you feeling at least a little better now?"

He nodded. "I think so. Thank you, Commander."

"Please, call me Elissa…at least when we're alone. I simply hate being called Warden or Commander all of the time. It's nice to hear my name on occasion."

"Alright…Elissa." He smiled. "And thanks again."

She grinned widely and patted his leg before getting up and leaving the room. Even though he knew that she was probably only doing her job as his commander, it made Anders feel good that Elissa had taken such a personal interest in him. Maybe things weren't quite as dire as they seemed.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, the Commander was asked by the seneschal to investigate the disappearance of a Grey Warden who had gone missing. Kristoff had left Vigil's Keep before the darkspawn attack that killed the other Wardens and had failed to report back. While on their way to Amaranthine, Anders chose to hang back from the rest of the group. Even though he had developed a friendship of sorts with Oghren over the course of their short time together, he just couldn't stomach the dwarf's smell on that particular day. Sigrun had stayed behind at the Keep and Nathaniel still hadn't warmed up to Anders enough to stop addressing him as mage instead of calling him by name.

After a time, the Commander, who had been leading the procession, fell back to walk alongside the tall blonde man. "Is something amiss, Anders?" she asked.

The mage waggled his head. "No. Oghren's stench is just too much to handle. I had to get this far downwind to stop the retching."

Elissa chuckled, her large, bright blue eyes filled with mirth. Anders couldn't help but notice the small flecks of silver scattered throughout her irises, which made them glimmer like the rays of the sun kissing the sea. "I know what you mean. I was having a difficult time keeping my breakfast down myself. Between the smell of his feet and flatulence, even the most cast iron stomach would be turned."

Anders had to laugh at that. He couldn't quite explain it, but even though she was the Queen of Ferelden and his commanding officer, Elissa had a way of putting him completely at ease. A simple conversation with her could brighten even his gloomiest days. Anders had been with many women through the years, both in and out of the Tower, and not one provoked the feelings in him that she did. He had to keep reminding himself that, no matter how much he wanted her, she could never be his. Even if she wasn't the Warden Commander or the Queen of Ferelden, she was still born a noble and no noblewoman would ever be with a mage. He became quiet for several moments as he tried in vain to stop his heart from racing.

She arched a brow. "A copper for your thoughts."

He flashed a sheepish grin. "Sorry…just lost in my own head there for a minute."

Elissa grabbed Anders by the hand before stopping short. The feel of her warm, delicate hand in his sent gooseflesh prickling along the surface of his skin. His heart was thundering so loud he was certain she was able to hear it. He glanced ahead to see if the other two Wardens were going to double back, but they just kept moving forward. The Commander pulled her pack from her shoulders and took a step closer to him.

"I have something for you," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper.

"For me?"

She nodded. "Yes, for you. I know how miserable you have been, and I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out a way to cheer you up." She reached into the sack, pulled out a small ball of orange and white fur and held it out to him. A pair of big green eyes blinked up at him as it opened its tiny mouth to let out a sleepy yawn. "There was a boy near the gates this morning with a crateful of kittens. His mother told him he had to give them all away. I remembered your story about Mr. Wiggums in the Tower and I thought you might like a new friend."

Anders' eyes went wide as he took the kitten from her. "Maker's breath, Elissa. He looks exactly like Mr. Wiggums."

Her blue eyes lit up, sparkling like rare diamonds. A wide grin broke out on her face and she giggled like an excited little girl. The fierce Hero of Ferelden, slayer of the archdemon, his queen…actually giggled. The sheer joy on her face was the most beautiful sight the mage had ever seen and the sound of her laughter was like music to his ears. Her tittering died down as she gazed into Anders' eyes. He became aware of the fact that her breaths were becoming heavier, more unsteady by the second. He searched those crystal orbs for what seemed like an eternity, yet not nearly long enough. He would have been happy to spend the rest of his life lost in those eyes, and when she finally turned her gaze to the animal cradled in his palms, it was if someone had pulled his heart from his chest.

"So what are you going to name him?" she asked as she gently scratched behind the animal's ears, not daring to meet the mage's eyes again.

Anders cocked his head to one side as he studied the kitten. He thought of the tiger he used to doodle in the margins of his notes he took during class when he was still little more than a child trapped in the Circle Tower. "I think I'll call him Ser Pounce-a-lot. Pounce for short." He scratched under the cat's chin. "Is that okay with you, kitty?"

The kitten mewled and Anders took that as his consent. He finally braved looking at Elissa's face again. "But do you think it will be okay to keep him. We get into some pretty dangerous scraps."

"I suppose you can leave him at the Keep if you like," she shrugged.

Anders shook his head. "But we're always leaving the Keep, for days at a time. He'll get lonely cooped up in my room."

"Then how about keeping him in your pack? He didn't seem to mind it and he should be relatively safe there provided you don't get knocked flat on your back."

Anders slipped his pack from his shoulders and opened it. Almost immediately, the cat jumped inside with very little coaxing. "Oh, you are a good boy, aren't you?" he praised. "I'll have to make sure to buy you a treat when we reach the city." He closed his pack and gently replaced it onto his shoulders. "Thank you," he told Elissa with an appreciative smile. "Truly…this is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me."

She gave him a nod. "You are most welcome, my friend." She glanced out at the road ahead of them before her eyes locked with his once again. After another long moment, she stammered, "I...I suppose we should get moving before the others begin to wonder where we are."

"I suppose we should," he mumbled. "Can I ask you one question?"

"Sure."

"Why?"

The corners of her mouth turned up. "Because I like your smile and I was hoping this might allow me to see it more often."

Without even giving it a second thought, as if by instinct, Anders bent down and softly kissed Elissa's cheek. Her skin felt like silk against his lips and the scent of lilacs invaded his senses. His lips brushed across her face intending to press against hers. Just before they touched, when he realized what he was doing, he jerked back as if she were a vile poison that would burn him on contact. He cleared his throat. "I apologize, my dear lady. I forgot myself for a moment."

Elissa let out a long sigh, almost as if she were disappointed. "No harm done," she told him with a tight lipped smile. "Let's just get going."

Without another word, she pivoted on her heel and began heading down the road, leaving Anders standing there alone, wishing to the Maker that he would have followed through with that kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Warning, this chapter contains disturbing content (rape and brutal death).**

After their encounter on the road, Elissa caught up to the other two Wardens and made her way to the head of the procession. Anders walked fast enough to get the others in his sights, but continued to lag behind them. The only thing he could think about for the remainder of the trip to Amaranthine was the look in his commander's eyes and the feel of her smooth skin against his lips. In his heart, he felt like a coward. His head, on the other hand, continued to remind him that he did the right thing. After all, she was the Queen of Ferelden. Even if she reciprocated his feelings of desire, if the king found out he would be lucky to keep his head intact.

When they finally reached the Crown and Lion Inn, the three men of the company waited near the door while Elissa asked the innkeeper about Kristoff. Within a few minutes, she motioned for them to follow her up the stairs where she opened a room at the end of the hall with a key she had procured during her questioning. After a short search, Nathaniel came across a journal sitting next to a small pewter lockbox.

Elissa took the book from Nathaniel and skimmed through it for a few minutes before heaving a resolved sigh. "It looks like our next stop is the Blackmarsh."

Nathaniel's brow furrowed with worry. "Blackmarsh? Everyone knows that place is haunted. Why in the Maker's name would he go there?"

Oghren snorted. "I never took ya for someone who believed in ghost stories Howe."

Before Nathaniel had a chance to answer, the commander interrupted the men's banter. "According to Kristoff's journal, he had received a report about a man who encountered a talking darkspawn in the marsh. He apparently went there to investigate. The date of the last entry was nearly three weeks ago."

"Then I guess we're going to Blackmarsh," Oghren said before turning to Nathaniel. "Ya ain't gonna wet yerself are ya, boy?"

Nathaniel sneered in disgust as he looked down at the dwarf. "You mean like you did last night?"

"Nathaniel," Elissa interjected before the two men could start squabbling. "Grab that lockbox. The innkeeper said that Kristoff was paid up until tomorrow, but if he didn't return by the day after his room would be cleared out. If he is dead, it needs to go to his next of kin."

Nathaniel gave a bow of his head before retrieving the metal box and placing it inside his pack for safekeeping. Elissa retreated from the room and back down the stairs where she returned the key to the innkeeper before walking out of the inn. She didn't even glance in Anders' direction the entire time they were inside the Crown and Lion. In fact, she seemed to make it a point to ignore the mage's presence completely, leaving Anders' to wonder if she was avoiding him because he almost kissed her or because he didn't.

Blackmarsh was more than a two day walk from Amaranthine, with Vigil's Keep being close to the center of the journey. When they stopped at the Keep for the evening, Anders was sure that the Commander was going to leave him behind and take Sigrun in his place when she headed out the next morning, but Nathaniel knocked on his door just before dawn to tell him to be ready to move out within the hour. After getting dressed and gathering his gear, Anders took Pounce to Sigrun, who was more than happy to take care of the kitten in the mage's absence.

It was just after daybreak when the four Wardens set out. They traveled the entire day with Elissa once again leading and Anders staying far behind the others. That evening, they set up camp just beyond the shadow of the trees leading into the marsh.

As Anders went about setting up his tent for the night, he became aware of the fact that the nearby glade was devoid of the usual noises that normally occupied such a setting. There was no hooting of owls, nor chirping of crickets, not even the sound of a bullfrog croaking, just uneasy and eerie silence. A cold shiver crept up his spine as he wondered what manner of place could drive away all wildlife.

During supper, the mage sat away from the others while he ate, only half listening to Oghren tell impossible tales about his and the Commander's adventures during the Blight. Elissa sat on a fallen log next to Nathaniel, but did not join the conversation. She seemed a million miles away as she stared into the fire, leaving her plate of food nearly untouched. As much as he tried to avoid it, Anders couldn't help but watch her, taking note of the forlorn expression coloring her beautiful features. After a while, more than likely sensing eyes upon her, she looked up at the mage. Her shoulders rose and fell with a heavy sigh, then she stood and scraped her plate into the fire before turning and slowly trudging to her tent.

Anders retired shortly after that, but wasn't able to fall asleep right away. Nathaniel's and Oghren's voices died down after a while and he heard someone stumble around outside his shelter followed by the sound of water hitting dead leaves a few feet from where his head lay. The mage rolled his eyes before turning onto his side in an effort to avoid the stone that had been pressing into his back. He lay there for what felt like an eternity, his ears trying to discern any noise among the deafening silence.

Just when he finally felt sleep overtaking him, Anders' eyes flew open at the echo of a twig snapping right outside his tent. He bolted upright and grabbed his staff, awaiting the danger that was about to befall him when a whisper sounded from the other side of the flap.

"Anders?" came a quiet female voice. "Are you awake?"

The mage's heart was already pounding inside his chest from fear, but upon hearing Elissa's voice, it began thundering even louder. He swallowed hard before answering. "Is something wrong?"

"May I come in?" she asked.

"S…sure," he stammered which came out more of a high-pitched squeak than a word. He cleared his throat before repeating the word. "Sure."

He called forth a small flame in his palm to give her a bit of light so she could more easily find her way in without falling over his legs. Within moments, Elissa was crawling into his tent dressed in a pair of black wool leggings and royal blue tunic. Her feet were devoid of boots and stockings and Anders couldn't help but admire her dainty bare feet as she sat down before him and hugged her legs to her chest.

Anders' gaze moved up to her face and he realized that her eyes were red and puffy from crying. The silver flecks in her irises glistened in the tiny ball of light hovering over his hand. Elissa sniffed before giving him a sad, tight-lipped smile. Anders took note of the fact that she had changed her hairstyle sometime between the evening meal and entering his tent. Instead of one braid hanging down her back or over her right shoulder, the commander's flaxen locks were fashioned into two pigtails that draped across her chest. Between her hair and her expression, Anders couldn't help but be reminded of the younger girls who were newly arrived to the Circle, devastated over the prospect of never seeing their families again.

He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong, Elissa?"

She sniffled again and began absentmindedly running one of the plaits through her fingers. "I'm sorry for bothering you at this time of night. I didn't wake you, did I?"

Anders waggled his head. "Not hardly."

"It's just that I…I really needed someone to talk to and you're the only one here I consider to be a friend."

The mage's brow creased. "What about Oghren? You've known him a lot longer than you've known me."

She harrumphed. "Oghren's a great fighter and he's occasionally good for a laugh or two, but he's not exactly the easiest person to carry on a conversation with."

Anders nodded. "I see your point. So what do you want to talk about?"

Elissa exhaled a long, slow breath before quietly announcing, "I hate all of this."

"You mean camping? Hiking? Being a Grey Warden?"

"Yes," she whispered as both of her hands moved faster along her left braid. "I never asked to be the Hero of Ferelden, and I certainly never wanted to be a Grey Warden. Do you know how I was conscripted?" Anders shook his head and Elissa's shoulders slumped even further. "The Commander of the Grey in Ferelden was visiting Highever looking for new recruits before returning to Ostagar. He had his eye on one of our knights, Ser Gilmore. That evening, the night before he and my father along with a battalion of soldiers were to leave for the south, my father's oldest and closest friend betrayed him."

"Nathaniel's father?"

She bobbed her head as her blue eyes took on a haunted quality. "In the dead of the night, one of our servants burst into my bedchambers screaming that the castle was under attack. I didn't even get the chance to change out of my bedclothes before one of Howe's men rushed in and ran the servant through. Luckily, I always kept a dagger at my bedside table and when he came for me, I stabbed him in the eye with it.

"I heard my mother yelling from down the hall so I took only enough time to pull on my boots before running to her aid. She was still in her bed. One soldier was on top of her…between her legs, a blade to her throat. Two other men were standing on either side of the bed, laughing as they waited for their turn with her while they stroked themselves. They were so busy that they didn't hear me enter the room. I crept up behind one, covered his mouth with my hand and drove my blade directly into the base of his skull. By the time the man on the other side of the bed heard the thud of the falling body, I was already at his back and running my dagger across his throat.

The pig that was raping my mother was so involved in the task that he failed to notice what was happening around him. I grabbed one of the fallen soldier's swords and separated my mother's assailant's head from his body." Tears began streaming down her cheeks. "The blood…There was so much blood. It was everywhere. Painting the walls and the sheets. I even had to use the sleeve of my nightshirt to wipe it out of my eyes. Mother…she just lay there…under the decapitated body of the beast who had violated her. I used my foot to roll him off the bed and then locked the door. I cleaned Mother up as best I could with a rag and cold water from the ewer on her dressing table. She continued to lay there, her eyes wide. If it weren't for the fact that her chest was still moving with her breaths, I would have thought her dead.

"After I got the majority of the blood off her, I dressed her. Her body was so limp. She seemed so…so frail. She didn't speak a word until we were at her door. Then she gripped my arm so hard I thought she might break it. 'Where's Oriana? Where's Oren?' she asked before taking off into the hall. I found her in my brother's room a few minutes later on her knees and cradling Oren's little body." A choked sob escaped Elissa's throat and Anders quickly gathered her into his arms. After several more minutes, she continued, her voice hoarse from crying. "His head…it was…it was as if every shard of bone in his skull had been broken. He was completely unrecognizable save his blood soaked clothes. And Oriana…she was lying naked next to him, split open from her gullet to her privates."

"Dear Maker, Elissa" Anders breathed into the blonde hair at the top of her head. "I can't even imagine."

"Outside our sleeping chambers, it was complete chaos" she continued as if the mage hadn't spoken. "There were fires set everywhere along the streets, barricading us from the outer castle walls. I kept Mother and I to the shadows. She was in no condition to fight. We managed to make it to the great hall where Ser Gilmore and some of our soldier's were engaged in combat with several of Howe's men. I hid Mother in a small closet near the door while I helped Gilmore and the others dispense of the enemy soldiers, but more were trying to break through the double doors. He told me that my father was headed to the kitchens where there was a secret passage that led to a cave outside the castle. I gathered my mother and took a servant's passage that led from the hall to the kitchen.

"We found my father in the larder next to the open panel that would take us outside. He was pale and covered in blood, holding onto a stab wound at the base of his heart with the Warden Commander Duncan leaning over him urging him to drink from his waterskin. When my father told me that he wouldn't be able to go with Mother and I, I promised to stay at his side, to protect him. We argued. He then asked Duncan to take Mother and I to safety. Mother refused as she clung to my father, wailing. She told him she would put herself to the blade before she would leave his side. He agreed to allow her to stay, but he commanded me to go and when I again refused, he told Duncan to conscript me…for my own good."

"And you didn't fight it?"

She shook her head. "How could I? My father was dying. I could not shame him or my family like that."

Anders hugged Elissa tighter. "You poor girl. I have witnessed many atrocities in my life, but never anything so horrifying as what you've been through."

She squeezed his waist and buried her head even further into his chest. "I've never told anyone what happened that night. Not even Alistair."

Anders closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He couldn't believe that she would trust him enough to reveal such a painful and dark secret. "But why me?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Elissa peered up at him. Even though his magical flame had been doused when he embraced her, her blue eyes still shone brightly in the moonlight filtered through the canvas of his tent. "Because I knew you would understand...better than anyone else I know."

He smiled gently down at her as he felt her hand slide up his back to the base of his neck. She pulled his head down to hers before pushing her lips into his. Anders' right hand moved to her damp cheek as he became caught up in the forbidden kiss. A fog of desire clouded his brain as their tongues began to dance together. He couldn't think. All sense of morality and propriety disappeared. It was as if her kiss was the breath of life and he would suffocate without the air she was expelling into him.

Suddenly, she pulled away from him, her blue eyes full of trepidation. "I…I'm sorry," she blurted before scrambling to her knees. "I have to go," she said as she quickly crawled toward the flap.

Anders listened as Elissa's hurried footsteps disappeared to the other side of their camp before flopping down on his back. His breath was coming in short, labored pants as he attempted to calm both his body and his emotions. He knew if she hadn't been the one to stop, things would have gone much further, and he felt like a complete heel for it. He cursed himself for nearly taking advantage of her vulnerability.

That thought gave him pause. He had spent most of his adolescent and adult years doing that very thing, taking advantage of vulnerable women to get what he wanted, whether it be for sex or food or shelter from the templars when he had managed to escape the Tower. Never once in all that time had he regretted using a woman for his own selfish needs. But it was different with Elissa. He wanted to protect her, both physically and emotionally. He wanted to love her.

As he rolled back over onto his side, Anders began to wonder why. Why was she any different than any other woman? What made her so special to him? He closed his eyes to a vision of her face, smiling at him and his heart leapt. Then the thought that she could never be his crept into his brain causing a pain which he had never before experienced. As he fell into an uneasy sleep, a single tear escaped Anders' eye and trickled down the side of his face...a tear for the love he felt but would never be able to truly realize.


End file.
